Here’s a story of a young woman and her sometimes challenging but loving relationship with time. It’s about her desire to accomplish her deepest yearnings in life. And the seemingly paradoxical nature of time and its limits – making her believe, or as she has been led to believe, there is a need for pressure that asks us to squeeze actions in a rather uncomfortable way – in an otherwise expanded experience of a timeless reality.
She’d rather call this last one ‘timefulness’… Like playing outdoors as a child where there is only this moment. The feeling of endlessness when one is in the zone of music or creating art.
Her beloved timefulness shows her that truly at the end of the day, the quality and presence is all that matters. An unfolding story of her friendship and her own personal transformation with and beyond time. Where she flows graciously on the magic carpet of life… in divine timing.
Time is a gift, maybe the most precious one – Part 1
Oh dear God. I thought I had figured it out. I thought that turning 33 was ok, as long as I felt at peace with where I am today. I thought I had convinced myself that, what matters is my inner development, the road, the journey, and the inner light and presence I managed to grow within me in the last year.
It lasted a few hours. Until my friend told me, in a very inspirational context and well meant manner: “Take responsibility for your life. Before it gets late.”
Those words came in. Especially now in this time. The weeks before my birthday I tend to set higher goals. Being more motivated to achieve them, I’m also putting higher pressure and standards, and creating expectations on a high scale ladder I will never be able to meet. A birthday makes me want to close a year with a greater feeling of satisfaction, yet ironically creating a situation in which I’ll probably feel I’ll have failed.
So I told myself instead: no matter where I am, I already won.
But my friend reminded me of a very important thing as well. I want to create. I want to build. I want to have my life settled and figured out. I want to have a clear vision of where I’d like this journey to go. I want to get my blog out. And “Get. Things. Done”.
At the same time, I have a tendency to look forward, wanting to get “there” faster, and fast is never fast enough. To get where? There’s only here and now. And I forget to look at where I come from. What I DID achieve, whether materialized or not, and what I AM proud of.
I’m proud of where I am today. I’m proud of the choices I made. I’m proud of every single attempt I did at creating home within myself. I’m proud of the battle I fought.
I got my back, more than ever, because I know I must, unconditionally. As no one has been in my shoes and no one will ever be in yours, we are the only ones who can truly judge ourselves.
So… being kind with myself, more deeply than ever, knowing the battlefield I left behind, and allowing myself to land on a soft pillow is first and foremost what I should be offering myself.
Next is my life.
I have huge desires I wish to accomplish and they need a certain… discipline. And I’ll continue at that. Because I’m enjoying it and because it’s good for me, more than because I’m trying to get it done. Writing, because I love it. It helps me to express all the things that run through my mind and heart and give it a place and put some light on it.
I want to achieve and materialize. I want to create, put ideas into matter, share more valuable time with others, dedicate myself to bringing sustainable, positive change for people, loved ones, communities, the world. That’s the pleasure of this life!
And at the end of the day, it’s how I walk it. And if I can walk towards my goals in a way that I am feeling at peace and at ease with myself, I’ve travelled far. If every day I can BE a little closer to my being and share this closeness and happiness with others, than I’ve done part of what I’m here for. I think.
So… dear discipline, here I am, I’m very excited to announce: by the end of this month, my 33rd birthday, I’m sharing my blog with – for starters – a precious few of around 10 people. We’ll see what happens after…
And dear gentleness, I’ll keep listening to you. To be in the rhythm of my own nature. To feel and allow myself to live through my heart, enjoying the sunset and breezes and fresh air and the sounds of the birds. And this wonderful song by Orka, that I’ll add here below. A song that just soothes me in my experience and reflection about time.
Dear Everything, this is what you get when I’m out of chocolate…